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If you want to talk the Pinot talk, you need to be versed in the language of Pinot Noir. Listed here are the most frequently used words and their definitions. The Prince relinquishes all proprietary claim to pinocabulary so use the words freely.

Pinotosity The unique essence or soul of Pinot Noir. A Pinot Noir is said to have pintosity when it is irresistible and brings you to your knees.

Pinotholicism The religion of Pinot Noir. Members usually join the church after an epiphany with Pinot Noir, often a Burgundy. Followers offer a significant percentage of their monthly income to the high priests such as Ted Lemon, Ken Brown, Tom Rochioli, and Michael Browne. Members congregate over multiple bottles of Pinot Noir to smell and taste and pray to the holy grape. The member’s bible is North American Pinot Noir (John Haeger).

Pinotology The science of Pinot Noir. Often considered esoteric and beyond comprehension by Cabernet drinkers. Some dissenters feel there is no science at all involved in the making of great Pinot Noir, believing that luck and prayer are more important factors (see pinotholicism). Textbook is The Science of Wine (Jamie Goode).

Pinotspeak The language of Pinot Noir. These are the words used to describe the sensuality and personality of Pinot Noir. Examples: silky, sexy, wine-gasm, hedonistic, intoxicating, exotic, ethereal, foxy, cherry cola, Chinese five spice, earthy, smoked bacon, demure pepperiness, and so on. Wine writers tend to have the greatest imagination and the largest pinotspeak vocabulary.

Pinoformation 1. Information on Pinot Noir. 2. The lineup of several dead horses (empty Pinot bottles) on a table after a night of revelry.

Pinoterroirist A firm believer in the importance of terroir in creating distinctive and uniquely recognizable Pinot Noirs. Not to be confused with a pinoterrorist who strikes suddenly at wine shops and buys up all of the desirable bottles of a small production Pinot Noir.

Pinot Pimp A procurer of Pinot Noir. Always someone good to know if you love Pinot Noir.

Pinot Geek A hopeless devotee of Pinot Noir who revels in all of the minutia related to the grape. Can recite upon prompting all of the relevant information about a winery’s Pinot Noir releases including cases produced, price, amount of new oak used, length of time in barrel, and tasting notes going back five vintages. The pinot geek will usually know the entire winemaking regimen for a particular winery. He (they are almost always males) has the cell phone number of many noted Pinot Noir winemakers. Pinot geeks can be seen in flocks at Pinot Noir festivals.

Pinotphile Similar to a pinot geek but less geeky. A lover of Pinot Noir in all of its glorious forms. The pinotphile usually has a impressive cellar containing cases of ultrapremium Pinot Noirs, and loves to share the wines with others. Downloads and keeps every copy of the PinotFile in a cherished binder. The pinotphile usually knows the UPS delivery person on a first name basis.

Pinot Queen A female Pinotphile. She often controls Pinot Noir purchases in a family. She usually has an exquisite palate for Pinot Noir and eagerly seeks out the good stuff.

Pinoaficionado Similar to a pinotphile. A title used by those who prefer a title that is more sophisticated and distinguished than pinotphile and one that will not be confused with that other word (pedophile). Spelling can be tricky.

Pinoteers Small groups of pinotphiles who are united for drinking and travel purposes. Think Three Musketeers armed with corkscrews.

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